Because I Need All the Help I Can Get

Bring it!!

Things That Suck

This.

Don't see it? Look closer.

There, see that? The naked stalks, the brown, shriveled leaves. It's ghastly. And no, I am not a black-thumbed flora killer. I can grow anything. I grew Gerbera daisies without even trying. When I was 10, I cross-bred wild violets to create lovely white and purple flowers. Last year I ended up with about 50 pounds of tomatoes (or more). But I have met my match.

It's called late blight . Or as I affectionately refer to it, the mother effing black plague. It is the same fungus that caused the potato famine in Ireland in the 1800's, and forced all my Mic ancestors to leave the bonnie isle for the new world, where they would subsequently invent illegal sports betting and pub crawls. The black plague is highly contagious, and has spread virulently throughout the Northeast thanks to the shitty rainy weather all friggin summer, killing off tomato crops by the hundreds of thousands, including my 10 plants. Once it takes hold, nothing can stop it.  So the question is, do we immigrate to Mexico and become jumping bean granjero, or trek to Canada to become, uh, maple syrup farmers?