America's Worst TV Show in the History of TV Shows Going Back to When Coat Hangers Were Required Hardware for Watching Television

Disclaimer: I only watched the show because when you work for FOX, this show is the news, and you actually have to write about it as such. I know, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit, too.

And I am ashamed to admit, when Hack Seacrest said "David Cook" instead of "Punky Brewster", I jumped out of my chair, both fists raised triumphantly over my head, with a huge "whoo!!". In the middle of the newsroom. Even worse, I was not the only one. The executive producer joined me in applause. I shit you not.

Aside: Then I immediately sat my happy ass down and cut a 1:45 NATVO so one of our two reporters in Hollywood could use it in the newscast. I'm sorry, news? What's that?

Meanwhile, back on the ranch: Never, in the show's 7 years of destroying the souls of young girls, have I actually cared who won. Until last night. Because the boy's actually got talent. And I don't think he was the more popular of the two, at least with the demographic. All the teeny-boppers were swooning over Punky Brewster over there. Or as Mr. Lady so eloquently and succinctly called him, founding father of Gay Christian Pop Rockers Kidz Bop. (I have such a crush on Mr. Lady -- how could you not?!)

Doesn't Archuleta look a little like Punky Brewster?!? Oh and David, I wouldn't mind being Mrs. American Idol, if you wanna give me a call. I'm sure it would be cool with My Husband The Saint. He is, after all, a Saint.

Seriously. Dave. Holla.