I was reading a blog today, and I laughed out loud. Whose? It was mine. Now, as narcissistic as that sounds, it's actually one of the saddest things you've ever heard. I'll tell you why. I was actually surprised at how amusing it was. My mind has atrophied to the point that my own humor and observations surprise me. Damn I was funny. Now I'm a fact machine...well, sort of. I do work for FOX. Yes, I'm back. It's like a black hole you can't escape. I spend my days writing facts, breaking down boring AP wires into something the average American can understand and that won't make them gag over breakfast. And those are the days I'm working. I work 4 days a week at 2 different Fox stations. Yes, two, can you believe that shit? Both the NY affiliate WNYW, and the mother ship, FOX News Channel. I am so messed up in the head. The other days of the week, I'm pulling my 8 month old daughter out of the dog crate and changing poopie diapers. Sadly, I deal with less shit there than I do at work.
The point of all this senseless rambling is that, at one time, I had a voice. A unique voice, oddly amusing and a little too irreverent at times, but unique in its sad little way. I'm afraid that voice may be gone for good. My mind doesn't work in the way it once did. (And I can't remember shit, just ask my husband) Years of media madness have stripped my brain of all the creativity that once lived there. It just packed up and moved out. Tired of dead bodies and crooked politicians and the potentially deadly Christmas tree, I guess. So this resurgence of postings is a last-ditch effort to convince creativity to give me one more chance, baby, just one more chance. I can change, I really can.
More importantly, I need this. I need a chance to be a writer, albeit a pretend one, even if it's in this vast, impersonal wonderland of binary kaka. Hooray for kaka!
Thanks for the sweet comment. I feel so bi-polar with commitment. I'm just not used to being attached that it's kinda scaring me!
ReplyDeleteAnd I read your blog and saw your profile, and you are a producer! Oh my dream..to produce. I'm from Cali and I went to NY for an internship with MTV and I got to work with writers and producers, and even though they are stressed out and work long tiring hours, I really want to get into that biz.
I really hope everything works out for you. I "know" what you are going through, but I don't know, just by observing the people at MTV. Good luck!!
Well, I've only read a few posts thus far, but I'd say you sure have a voice. Now, I don't know to what you're comparing it, but you're eliciting snickers from this end. :)
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