Conspiracy Theory

The Bebe and the dog are plotting against me.

I finished work at 10, was in bed by 11, and fell asleep somewhere around midnight. Begin Phase I. At 4:40am, I awaken to the sound of the dog retching right next to the bed, narrowly missing the pile of clothes I dropped there after undressing last night. Lucky for him. I would have ended up on that show "Animal Cops" otherwise. I guess he thought there would be a better chance I’d step in it if it were right there. Fortunately, I have a lamp on my nightstand. HA! Tiptoe past the Bebe’s room, down the stairs, get the paper towels, sneak back up the stairs past the Bebe’s room, wipe up said vomit. Go back to sleep. 

Begin Phase II. Almost exactly an hour later, I awaken to the sound of the Bebe crying. Frickin great. I get up, go in, put the bottle in the warmer, and pick her up. She’s got snot pouring down her face. She eats. I burp her, and she grins this huge grin, puts her arms around my neck and her head on my shoulder. Aww. I put her down, but she’s still awake. So I return to my room, listening to the baby monitor. All sounds stop in about 5 minutes. Of course, being the paranoid mom I am, I have to go in and check to be sure everything’s ok. So I get up, peek in, she’s konked out on her side. Close door, return to my bed. It’s now 6:30, and I can’t sleep.

Those two are out to get me, I just know it