Jesus Takes the Train

OK, don't want to wierd you out, but Jesus apparently likes the Washington Nationals. And rides the Blue line. Remember that Joan Osborne song, "What if God Was One of Us"? Dude, Jesus is totally a slob like one of us. Except he prefers the train to the bus. I was walking to the Metro after a Nats baseball game the other day, minding my own business, when I suddenly found myself next to our Lord and Savior on the escalator. I shit you not. I immediately whipped out my phone and tried to take a picture -- which is damn near impossible to do on the DL, especially since he is all-knowing -- but he ducked away, even though I never even looked at him. OK, maybe I did, but we never made eye contact. I think doing that means instant death. Or maybe it's hearing him speak that brings instant death. Either way, I didn't get the picture. When we reached the platform, I lost Jesus in the crowd, so I figured God just didn't want me to photograph his beloved Son. And I can't really blame him. It must be really fucking annoying when people try to take your picture, and you're all like, "Man, I'm just trying to ride the Blue line, ok? Why you gotta be all up in my glorified grill? I'm just trying to make my way home, back up to Heaven all alone" See...that's the... song...what if... ok nevermind. So I sit my ass down in one of the handicapped seats near the front (cause I'm an asshole like that), and who should be sitting in the handicapped seat on the other side of the train, but Jesus! (Apparently Jesus is an asshole, too) He was busy talking to his disciples at that point, so I once again whipped out my phone, and this time I was able to get the shot, because it's a rotating camera, so I can hold the phone facing downward like I'm playing a game or something, and rotate the camera up to take a picture in front of me. I wasn't sure the pic would come out; you know, like if you try to photograph a ghost, it's just a white flash .. plus the lighting in the metro isn't exactly conducive to polite conversation, yet alone photography, but there he is, in the flesh.

I apologize for the crappy quality, but what can you expect from a piece of shit LG cameraphone from 2003? I can't get a new one until October, OK? That's when I get my $100-off certificate, and you're crazy if you think I'm going to pay full price for a new phone. Shee-it.

This will probably be my last post, because I'm sure God will strike me down as I walk to my car, but you have to admit, it really does look like Jesus. Seriously, right? Right?!?