Something Stinks

I keep hearing about the Gas-out or Gas-off or No Gas Day (which I could really use around my house) or whatever the fuck angry SUV drivers are calling it. I'm trying to figure out how one day of people not gassing up their cars will make a difference. Even if you got every person in America to boycott gas stations Friday, what about Thursday? Saturday? And you aren't even hurting Big Greezy. You think oil companies care if you decline to partake of their magic Elixir of Wonder for one day? It may hurt the local gas station owners, but not Daddy Greezy.

Honestly peeps, I'm not sure we Americans have the fortitude to do what it takes to evoke change. I don't exactly see the entire city of Chicago participating in a general strike. I just can't envision the Wall Street barons of the world's financial capitol staying home for days on end, lounging unshaven and unshowered on their $5,000 baby seal-skin sofas in their Cantonese Jumping Spider-silk robes, scratching pimply asses while gnoshing on Beluga caviar and 24K gold-dusted truffles, flipping channels back and forth between The View and Glenn Beck. Remember when the entire city of Paris went apeshit in 2010 over the retirement age? I'm pretty sure all the cannabis in Paraguay couldn't motivate San Diegoans to block traffic and set fires. Unless those fires were Zippos sparking a doobie.

If you really want to bring down oil prices, invest in a nice skateboard. Some quality sneakers. Perhaps buy a horse. A buggy for those long trips. A hang glider would be helpful. Cover your roof in solar panels. Consider geothermal heating. Sadly, there is no way to reduce our dependency on foreign oil unless we reduce our dependency on oil, period. That requires the complete cooperation of the automobile manufacturers, electric companies, global corporations, politicians, and even Big Daddy Greezy.

Don't hold your breath. Unless, you know, it's taco day at the company cafeteria.