Help Wanted

I lost my muse. Bitch is gone. Done walked out, just up and left. No "this isn't working out", no "Dear John", nuthin. Granted, we were still getting to know each other, only been out for coffee a few times, but still. It's common effen courtesy! The Saint calls her "flighty". Bitchy is more like it. Either way, I am currently accepting applications for Muse. Applicants must be sarcastic and possess a sharp wit, as well as exceptional spelling skilz. Oh, and smart. Must be intelligent. I'm tired of sounding like a dumbass. The successful candidate must be compliant and eager to please a real go-getter. Experience with Macs required. Big boobays a plus. Forward resume, references, and portfolio of recent work to Human Resources. EOE. No phone calls, please. Dear God somebody send help soon!