Theory of Traffictivity

I've lived in the DC area for almost 5 years. And in that time, I've learned that traffic sucks. It came as no surprise to me that DC has the second worst traffic congestion in the entire country; second only to Los Angeles. And I think I know why. After years of unscientifically studying the ass ends of cars in front of me on the beltway, I've realized that the key lies with the number of lanes. It can be explained with this equation, my theory of traffictivity, if you will: Y * L = A (Where 'Y' is you, 'L' is the number of lanes, and 'A' is the resulting asinine driving of 'Y') You drive in the right lane, pass on the left. Pretty simple concept, I grasped it myself in my 10th grade driver's ed class. Granted, some people out there obviously got their licenses from a Crackerjack box, and don't know this. But for the most part, it's a pretty well-understood concept. However, when you throw an extra lane into the equation, the less intelligent of the concept-graspers get confused. (See above equation) And in the case of the 4-lane beltway, well, it's just a free-for-all clusterfuck. The concept doesn't change, people!! Drive on the right, pass on the left. God!! Idiot!!

Take this job and shove it...

Does anyone really like their job? I mean really like it? You know, loves getting up in the morning and walking into the office. I'm sitting here at work, waiting for a reporter to call in so I can put their chyron information into the rundown, bored out of my mind. I've been trying to beat my best mah jong time for like, 15 minutes. Anyway, I've often wondered if such people really exist. I'm sure they do, but I'm having a hard time accepting it. I mean, I hate my job. Really hate it. Despise getting up in the afternoon, despise the newsroom, despise needy reporters, despise the little "ding" in the iNews program that signifies a new message -- invariably it's some idiot who isn't doing their job, and wants me to do it for them. It's not interesting to work in television. At least, not in news. Local news blows. National news isn't much better. To work in news, you gotta love it. Live it, love it. I don't. I avoid it like the plague. I don't watch it if I can help it. You shouldn't, either. Mainstream media is destroying civilization as we know it. Don't believe me? I worked for FOX for 4 years. Lemme tell you something: if you gotta tell people you're fair and balanced, ya ain't fair and balanced. You're as biased and crooked as they come. No offense, Rupert.

Hello world

I finally talked myself into starting a blog, after weeks of composing blog posts in my head. Why, you may ask? For the same reason anyone ever does anything in life: everyone else is doing it. Actually, it's because I want to be a writer when (read: if) I grow up. So I figure, better start writing! I haven't really written anything in a few years; my mind has started to atrophy, which isn't as cool as it sounds. And besides, what I have to say is just as interesting as what anyone else has to say...in fact, probably more so, because I'm crazy. Not tweaked-out-and-carrying-on-a-conversation-with-the-cops crazy (ah, the good old days), but certifiably crazy. Sortof. OK, not really. Some doctors in college expressed concern. (You have one emotional breakdown and suddenly you're mentally unstable!) I seriously considered voluntarily committing myself, but I passed. I wasn't sure I wanted to be locked in a place with really mentally unstable people -- I figured it would make me feel worse. Guilty for thinking I needed to be taken care of, when there are some seriously fucked up people out there that really need to be committed. That, plus, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, right? That is the stupidest saying on the planet. My mom says it, I've said it, and I hate it. My husband says it falsely portrays the unknown as evil. That's not quite true. I don't think it's the unknown itself that's scary and bad -- it could be all sunshine and roses on the other side of that door. It's the actual act of not knowing that's frightening. Because knowledge is power, right? It's also sadness and misery. Remember that.